For the sake of transparency, I’ll start this off by admitting that I really, really didn’t like the first Jurassic World. It ranks up there with Prometheus and Gigli as one of the worst movies I’ve seen. But, because I needed […]
Author: Sean Curtis
Trump Won The Election and Here Is Why People Are Terrified
Coping with a Nightmare I woke up today hoping last night had been nothing more than some horrific fever dream, perhaps brought on by pesticide-tainted lime juice in the ten or so margaritas I consumed […]
Dear Ideal Conceal Smartphone Gun
Dear Hiring Manager at Ideal Conceal, I recently came across the news of your exciting new smartphone gun and immediately knew that it was time to switch-up my career goals. This product clearly displays your […]
Dr. StrangeTrump or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Don
Donald Trump. That name probably makes you shiver. Donald Trump, evil incarnate, who hates Mexicans and Muslims and women and who would probably bang his daughter. The man whose hair can only be explained through […]
The Greatest Threat to Liberalism in America (Is a Liberal)
Did you catch the last Democratic debate on NBC? You know, the one that was scheduled on a holiday weekend when people were busy spending time with family and friends or what not? Or the pitiful […]
Last Minute Christmas Gift Ideas for Your Boyfriend (If You Hate Him)
The internet is a magical place full of generous, heroic souls looking to make a difference in the world by offering free advice on every subject, from dating to career success. Unfortunately, these good Samaritans […]
The Awful Lesson The San Bernardino Shooting Taught Us About America
December 2nd, 2015 saw the worst mass shooting in the United States since the Newtown Massacre. Luckily, our collective social media was there to give us real-time updates and unbiased breakdown. Liberals were quick to […]
The Disturbing Truth about Islam!
“If there are so many peaceful Muslim people, then why don’t they speak out?!” You hear this a lot in today’s dialogue about radical Islam, and the sentiment popped up in a big way after […]
Which Candidate You Should Vote For Based on Their Celebrity Endorsements
Some people ask a lot of questions when trying to decide which candidate to vote for, like, “Do they have the same values as me?” or, “Would they make a strong leader?” or, “Will they […]
That Dumb Thing We Keep Saying After Mass Shootings
If you were on Twitter or Facebook recently after the tragic shooting in Oregon, you probably saw this sentiment: “Stop politicizing this tragedy. Send your thoughts and prayers!” Or “What the victims’ families need are your […]
The Official Guide to Supervillainy!: A Book Pitch for Martin Shkreli
If you’re not up to speed on current events, Martin Shkreli is the smug CEO of Turing Pharmaceuticals. He decided to raise the price of a drug that treats toxoplasmosis from $13.50 to $750 a […]
How to Deal With Women According to Donald Trump
This article is for all teenage boys who are only just now discovering that the lingerie section in Kohl’s makes them feel a little weird. It’s awkward when you want to talk to and about […]
Why You Need To Stop Sharing Those Bull***t Dating Articles
Millennials are pretty terrible at dating. So terrible, in fact, that the exact same motion and thought process we put into accepting or denying a potential mate’s face on Tinder could get you a high […]