Be Your Own Pillar

Relationship Independence

Relationships are a blast- at least when there is balance. Of course sometimes life throws us a little off course- someone loses their job and one has to support the other- or perhaps someone made a mistake and must, in a sense, “pay the price.” However, like a seesaw, if both individuals bring around the same amount of weight to the relationship, things even-out.

For a long time now, people have tried to figure out the secret to that steady equilibrium.

Being on the same page can sometimes feel like attempting to read someone else’s mind. Trying to provide and not getting back the same amount sometimes makes you feel needy. There are times when we are told to not take things to personally, because the other person doesn’t completely understand why you are faulting them. I’ve had my share of experiences- raging jealousy, nervous that the other person might hurt me, or doing something that I know makes the other person uncomfortable, but its a work obligation I can’t get out of – fact is, not everyone, including your partner  is ever going to understand your entire situation- and sometimes, they are going to resent you for it. However, that doesn’t mean you should drop them- you need to figure out a way to keep the balance instead of trying to point out why your opinion or your situation carries more weight than their feelings.

They say the key to a successful relationship, or attracting one, is loving yourself first. I mean how many times have you gone through a break up and everyone’s first tip is to reestablish the relationship you have with yourself? Not what you can do to get the other person back, but rather, how to get yourself back. The cliched sentiment every girl hears at least once in her lifetime, is the most overlooked and underused suggestion. Loving yourself doesn’t mean losing 60 pounds and becoming that yoga girl you follow on Instagram, it means establishing what matters to you so that you can effectively point these things out in a relationship with another person. It means having a balance within yourself, so that you are prepared to keep the balance with someone else.

No one should “complete” you- no one should be the “missing piece” of your life. A partner is enhancing my world- making it a little brighter- but they aren’t my entire world. I wouldn’t want to be their entire world either. There is nothing sexier than a man who is passionate about something- and that doesn’t necessarily mean being passionate about me- it means he feels like he has a purpose in life, he is driven and has something that excites him. I believe that someone can make you feel more whole, absolutely- and once we fall in love we can’t imagine a life without that person in it- but in the mean time, to say that you are “waiting” for someone to complete your life,  or to be the “answer” to all your questions, is not only cliche it is putting so much weight on someone to being your source of everything, when you should be the one that completes you. This isn’t preparing you for someone who will leave you- by creating yourself, evolving and building your own empire, you are only becoming someone who has that much more to bring to the table.

Davina Adjani
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