Gambling with Happiness: What I’ve Learned From My Past Relationships

Have you ever allowed someone to gamble with your happiness? Whether it is a boss who makes your life difficult, a friendship that consumes too much of your energy or a relationship in which you find your emotions on a roller-coaster: when things are great, you are on a high, and when things are terrible, you are on such a low that six feet under even isn’t the correct term.

I have been in many scenarios in which I have asked myself the question, why are you staying? Why are you placing your cards on the table and more importantly, what is the prize?

I’ll always remember that the morning after Halloween, as I was walking to the gym, I found a card of hearts. For some reason, I decided to pick it up off the ground, and as I continued walking, I found another one and then another one. Overall, I ended up finding eight cards of hearts, and eventually, I found an index card with a note that said, “You’re too good for him. Go get someone better.”

At that point in my life, I was newly single, but like many girls who have gone through a break up, I was replaying the scenario over and over again in my mind wondering what I could have done to ‘win.’ But that’s the thing about putting your heart on the table: sometimes you win and sometimes you can ‘lose.’ Funnily enough, however, I believe that despite it all, losing doesn’t really ever occur. I still believe you win even though you have ‘lost’ a relationship.

Women seem to find reasons in everything because we want to justify our decisions. Men seem to be less emotionally attached to the past because they’re more easily able to let decisions go. Of course, this varies individually, but I’ve somehow managed to become a little bit of both; I’m cautious because of my past, but I’m not using my past as a reason to hide in the shadows of something that could be amazing.

I have lost many things in my life but the worst thing I have ever lost is time. Therefore, when someone wastes my time, I may project that loss of time on the person. The reality of the situation is that the majority of the time, I knew what direction the situation was going all along. There hasn’t been a scenario that has ever caused me to stop wanting to play, to put my cards out on the table and just see what happens.

There is no step-by-step solution to curing a broken heart, but there is a way to not make it solely about you: realize instead that by daring to see the value in a broken heart, but not dwelling on the pain of the broken heart itself, will allow you to make room for someone better.

I’ve always stated that “I can make all the plans in the world but fate always manages to upstage me.” If you find yourself in a scenario thinking that the best thing that ever happened to you is slipping away, just realize that this slipping away inevitably makes room for something potentially ten times better.

As the note I found proclaimed, “You’re too good… go get someone better.” Better doesn’t mean wealthier, nor does it translate to hotter (at least not for me). What I’ve come to realize is that ‘better’ means someone who recognizes your magic, who realizes what you bring to the table, and understands that they never want to eat alone again.

Photo Credits: One, Two, Three
Davina Adjani
Davina Adjani

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