How NOT To Break Up With Someone

How Not To Break Up

It is 2016 and times are changing. Gone are the days of love notes, drive-in movies, and using terms like “going steady.” None of those things really happened much in my life time, but I watch quite a few old movies and constantly feel like society is going in the wrong direction. Everything is so impersonal now, and I’m not a fan! It seems like people are starting to care less and less about other people and making everything about themselves.

This new selfish lifestyle has lead dating down a terrible path. In fact do we even really date anymore? When we do date and we decide to end the relationship we bring technology into the mix and break up in the least personable way possible. There are so many ways to break up with a person but if you’ve been together for any reasonable amount of time you really should break up with someone face to face, or at the very least with a phone call.

I have really only been in two relationships I would consider “serious” in my life and each one ended poorly. I was dumped by both boys in a terribly rude way. Each time it made me question myself and how I could date someone that was so disrespectful. How you break up with someone really impacts a person’s life.

The first real relationship I was ever in started when I was 17 and we dated for five years. Around year four we got engaged and everything was great. We picked the date and people bought us wedding books and sent congratulatory cards. It started falling apart six months later. We grew apart, whatever. The reason we broke up does not matter. What matters is HOW he dumped me.

I will never forget. It was Super Bowl Sunday and I received a text message. “I can’t do this anymore.” That sucked. The fact that this five year relationship was over really sucked, but the fact that he dumped me in what I thought was the worst way possible really hurt. It felt like after five years I really wasn’t important to him. Interestingly enough, that was around the time the YouTube video “You Can’t Text Message Break Up” went viral. Lucky me.

The text message stayed with me for a long time. In fact, I kept it on my phone as a daily remind of how cold some people really are. Five years and all I had to show from it was a text message? That hurt. It was a real turning point the day I deleted that text. I felt like I was finally able to let go of him. I was angry for a long time over the method of dumping, maybe I just hold grudges. I don’t know. All I know is that none of my friends have ever experienced this type of break up and they never should.

The next relationship was more recent. I had done the bar scene and decided to venture into serious online dating. I signed up for eHarmony and met an amazing man. This man was so perfect for me, or so I thought. After an entire year of dating things came to a screeching halt.

I went out of the country on vacation where I did not have cell service, so I didn’t expect to hear from him. When I got back I texted him when I landed, when I got to my car, and when I got home. Nothing. I has assumed he was just busy. Days went by and still nothing. I called, text, and even tried to FaceTime, but no response. I started looking at local news reports, local obituaries, and even his company’s website.

It wasn’t until around day five of silence that I realized he was never going to text or call me back. That hit me hard. After an entire year of serious dating I was “ghosted.” I prayed for a text message break up. I had never been so hurt in my life. I can’t imagine how awful of a person I must have been to him that he’d just throw me away without even telling me.

I have no closure. I have no idea if he still thinks we’re still in a relationship. I really have no idea what is going through his head. I am only assuming he hated me so much that he couldn’t even tell me. I wanted a text message, anything really, for closure.

I went through weeks of feeling like complete worthless crap. I eventually dragged myself out of my hole and realized that he was a coward and I did nothing wrong. I can’t help but think about him from time to time and I still get really hurt, but it made me realize that I am better than him. I know for a fact I will get over him, but I can’t say for sure that I will get over how he ended things.

How you break up with someone is crucial. Yes you could blow him or her off and go “ghost,” but do you really want word to spread that you’re an asshole? Don’t be an asshole. Be human. Break up with someone humanely so they aren’t scarred for life.

Photo Cred.
Kimberly Sides

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