It’s chocolate season, Valentines! As the most anticipated holiday approaches, it’s totally natural to feel some nerves. Whether you are going on your first date or fifty-third, Valentine’s Day comes with a lot of pressure. Everything has to be perfect—from the drapery of your red dress to the foot-popping kiss! Worry no more, friends. Nineteen has got your back. Follow our quick and dirty tips for a super-fun, unforgettable night!
- CHOOSE YOUR THREADS
The first thing you should do is decide on an outfit. Don’t forget: in the incomprehensible jumble of neural tissue we call a man’s mind, you’re just an object, a shiny new toy for your boy—a pretty piece of property. Therefore, your mission as a female is to advertise! That is when attire comes into the picture. Clothes reflect personality, while showcasing the goods! Ever heard of the term “eye candy”? Just think of yourself as a huge, walking, talking Tootsie Roll, Lifesaver, Airhead… etc. Anything tight, short, and feminine should do the trick. Remember: less is more. Strive to reach a whole level of risqué. Your scarcely clad body will gives your man a sneak peek into your daring, mysterious personality.
- DOLL YOURSELF UP
Next, attempt to look like that photoshopped cover girl by dousing your face with pounds of make-up. Be sure to choose a concealer that’s five shades darker than what you actually are, so you give off a lovely, orangey glow. For a porcelain complexion, apply a few coats of powder too.
Lip plumper is also a necessity! Even though you can’t get surgery before your date, you should still hold yourself to the plumpfection of celebrities like Kylie Jenner. Try to ignore the painful stinging sensation by focusing on achieving what we, the media, call beautiful. Your lips should be puffy, irritated, and modelesque about 30 minutes after application.
As for eyes, use sheer black because it shouts, “I’m shameless.” Paint on some cartoon eyebrows, too, and don’t forget to glue on a pair of fake lashes to complete the look. You know you’ve finished applying makeup when you can no longer recognize your reflection.
- FIX YOUR ‘DO
Hair is crucial. Tonight of all nights, you need to be spot-on. Don’t be shy, splat a million different products on your head to tame that wild animal you call hair. Your drab, everyday look is sure to leave your man snoozin’—spice things up with some synthetic styles! If you’re looking for inspiration, Google hairstyles from the 80’s—channel your inner Madonna or Cyndi Lauer. Remember that your curling iron is your friend: use it!
- ACCENTUATE & ACCESSORIZE
No outfit is complete without accessories! Pile on as much fancy jewelry as your limbs will hold. Jewlery shows how luxurious your lifestyle is—who wouldn’t want to brag about that? Accompany your bling-a-ling with an over-sized purse. They’re all the rage this year. No one knows why since they have no practical use. Nonetheless, conformity is also “in” this year, so looks like you’ll be lugging a heavy load! Use your purse’s extra space to pack an emergency make-up kit in case your face smears off. Pack a hearty sandwich, Windex, and a feather duster in there, too. You’ll really impress him with your domestication.
- FRAGRANCE FETISH
Finally, the last step is to select a scent. Did you know that smell is a deal-breaker in 99.99994% of first dates? Nineteen can’t stress enough the importance of a quality perfume. Go for a floral scent—something delicate that screams, “I’m subservient to you.” Ten pumps should do—the more the merrier! Actually, why don’t you just dump the entire bottle on yourself? Nothing says, “I’m in to you” like compelling fumes. By the time you are through with that spray pump, he should be able to smell you from his car, before you even exit the house. Trust Nineteen, you’ll leave him wanting to smell more by the end of the date!
- THE NEXT DAY
If the man of your dreams doesn’t call you the next day, have no fear! Wait another. If he doesn’t dial your digits by the end of the week, it’s safe to assume that you wowed him so much that he’s too nervous to talk to you. Or maybe it’s because he’s too busy with work, school, friends, Xbox, or all of the above! In the end, trust that you rocked that date, and if you keep following these magnificent, inspiring tips, you’ll find true love in no time! Besides, what else could you do? Show up as yourself?
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