Some people are born six-foot-two, dark, and handsome, with just the right amount of charisma to cruise through life. You know, the people who follow the proverbial path of their two equally as attractive ancestors, easily landing a job as an investment broker or ending up on none other than the financial capital of the world — Wall Street. By day, they work hard — hardly working is not a part of their extensive vocabulary, and they take deep pride in that. After grabbing an eight–choice topping salad from the local organic market, they head over to the Starbucks on Broadway to enjoy their daily Colombian bold brew before strolling across the street for a midday gym workout. Arriving home later that evening, they indulge in scholarly activities, such as skimming the New York Times‘ before digging into the latest Dean Koontz novel they’d snagged from Amazon two days prior to the paperback release. They are rather complacent with the results that a decade of hard work and dedication have brought into their lives, and it only ever excites them to anticipate what the future has in store. On top of all’a that, they’re in their prime at the ripe age of 26.
And then there‘s those of us who are born shorties. If you are one of those people, chances are you’re probably not leading the same glamorous life illustrated above. Why? Well, there’s plenty of little (pun intended) things that all sum up to make life so much different for those of us who meet a 12-year-old boy eye-to-eye. Here are some of the misfortunes that short people will relate to:
- You are mistaken for much younger than you really are at least twice a week.
- Elevators always smell bad, no matter what.
- You are not in the field of view of normal-people, and therefore you basically do not exist as far as crowds are concerned.
- Should you ever decide to grow out a beard, people will undoubtedly nickname you Gimli.
- You’ve been referred to as “mini-me,” “fun-sized,” or “half-pint,” more times than you care to recall.
- It’s significantly more difficult to earn a raise at work. (Pun intended, again.)
- No one ever seems to take you seriously because you’re just “so cute.”
- General Admission at concerts is simply not a viable option. It smells bad, like elevators.
- Falling into the toilet is less of a “you’ve been in there too long” joke, and more of a cautionary tale.
- You have to pee upwards and just hope it makes it into the toilet or urinal.
- Except for the small ones, dogs are terrifying, giant beasts from Hell. The small dogs are just mid-sized beasts from Hell.
- You totally don’t remember what happened at the bar last night after consuming a hefty beer and–a–half.
- Apples are the size of basketballs.
- You have to attend college in a pre-school.
- Reaching any shelf or cupboard is impossible without assistance.
So, yeah. It’s a big world out there, but for some people it’s even bigger. All you can do is be the best short-stack you can be! And hey, enjoy the luxury of not having to duck under trees and being able to crawl into cardboard boxes. Now get out there and show those tall folks that, though you may be short in height, you’re large in spirit!
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